EXTREME FAJITAS

Really?

2011-03-18T22:50:00.000-07:00

Hahaha! Are you effing kidding me? John Bolton? It's not as if the list of putative GOP presidential hopefuls is what you'd call stellar - some examples:

- Sarah Palin

- Mike Huckabee

- Newt Gingrich

- Michelle Bachmann

- Mitt Romney

Sarah, Newt and Michelle are all completely absurd choices in any case, but Bolton? He takes the cake. A sour, unsympathetic, ultra-hawkish rat-bag with the hugely oversized gonads to presume that he has a snowflake's chance in hell to be nominated, let alone survive even one primary. He's the very definition of unelectable.

Plus he looks like Chumley the Walrus from Tennessee Tuxedo...

I'm not overwhelmed by Barack Obama's efforts at this point (acknowledging that he was dealt a really rotten hand to play), but so far, I haven't seen what you'd call a viable alternative from any party.

2012 is shaping up to be a weird year.

Punk Pie-Chart

2011-02-08T17:10:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Ally (A Girl and her Fork), this super-cool poster on grayhood.com now graces Extreme Fajitas!

Walmart Wines!

2011-01-26T20:32:00.000-08:00

Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for the Wal-Mart wine brand. The top surveyed names in order of popularity were:

10. Chateau Traileur Parc

9. White Trashfindel

8. Big Red Gulp

7. World Championship Riesling

6. NASCARbernet

5. Chef Boyardeaux

4. Peanut Noir

3. I Can't Believe it's not Vinegar

2. Grape Expectations

1. Nasti Spumante

The beauty of Wal-Mart Wine is that it can be served with either white
meat (Possum) or red meat (Squirrel).

Don't bother replying that this is a hoax. I know possum is not a white meat.

Corti Brothers!

2010-12-22T17:28:00.001-08:00

For most folks in this area, this is not news! But I'm going to jabber about it anyway...

If you ever happen to glance in the direction of the deli cases at Corti Brothers Market here in Sacramento, you will see many many delicious items. Too many to count, really. They have more cured meats and cheeses than anywhere else in the area, plus they make outstanding sandwiches!

I just had some Saag's Bavarian Bratwurst purchased from Corti's and damn those things are tasty!! Also bought some of their Gelbwurst and Jagdwurst for sandwiches, and was reminded of long-ago breakfasts in Berlin...

The deli cases are just the beginning of course. The meat department, wine selection and variety of imported and hard-to-find foods is unparalleled. This is the place I go when I'm looking for Zytnia vodka, or Arrak, or some smoked paprika, or perhaps some ground sumac! The prices are not cheap, but I am willing (at least on occasion) to pay for the right item!

If you haven't been there (or it's been a while), get your ass over there ASAP!!

Ricky Gervais is Pretty Brilliant

2010-12-20T21:51:00.000-08:00

Aside from being incredibly funny, I found this piece in the Wall Street Journal to be very well-written, and a pretty reasonable statement about atheism. Feel free to read it if you're not threatened by the idea of atheism. Otherwise, it may piss you off...

Random Inspiration

2010-12-14T17:20:00.000-08:00

Not sure where the idea came from specifically, but I coined a new phrase today: "Douchetocracy". This is a system which ensures the success of douchebags. I think many of us see regular examples of douchetocracies in action every day. Think about it!

A Message to Meg Whitman

2010-11-17T21:32:00.001-08:00

Suck it, Haters

2010-10-19T20:51:00.000-07:00

All of the hate-froth being whipped up by asshats on the right requires the addition of some perspective to settle things down. Since our lovely governor, and his female carbon-copy wannabe successor continue to fan these flames of anger and ignorance among the knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing rubes who are their fans, it seems appropriate to provide this link to an interesting study of public-sector compensation. This tends to back up my contention that the combination of lower salaries, but higher benefit levels (i.e. medical and retirement) add up to something approaching a wash, rather than an orgy of government largesse. Like the title says, suck it, haters.

Article can be read here.

30 Years?

2010-09-07T06:40:00.000-07:00

Yes, 30 years. 30 years that since graduation from Tamalpais High School. It's one of those life markers that tend to drive home the fact that I'm not a young lad! Knowing that, I do find it refreshing that to this day, I have a marked inability to take things too seriously. Life's too short to spend an inordinate amount of time moaning about shit you can't change.

30 years post-high school meant an opportunity to attend my high school reunion as well. A well-planned and fun event as it turned out, despite my initial reluctance to participate. My reasons? Here's what I was thinking before I sent in my check:

- What's the point?

- List of attendees included people I disliked intensely

- List of attendees included people I barely remember

- Food will probably suck (it was at a tennis club)

- Etc.

In the end, I decided to go despite my reservations. Guess what? I actually had a really good time! There were a neumber of folks I studiously avoided, having seen no reason to talk to them, but there a were a good number who I enjoyed seeing very much, and a couple of surprise attendees with whom I was very happy to chat. Granted, a good many of the encounters were brief, and confined largely to "what are you up to these days?", with some surprising answers, and some preconceived notions busted. But all in all, it was definitely worthwile.

Being told that I hadn't changed, or had gotten taller (or both) were also not bad for the ego, so what the hell. Assuming I haven't gone completely to hell in another 10 years, I think I might even attend my 40th...

Another Video from Eric Rorer

2010-08-31T21:56:00.000-07:00

This time it's ANWR...

Backpacking America's Last True Wilderness from Eric Rorer on Vimeo.

Coming Attraction!!

2010-08-02T10:55:00.000-07:00

Too good not to share, especially the "Two Chins Up"...

2010-07-19T15:04:00.000-07:00

Black Flag

2010-07-14T18:37:00.001-07:00

I'm almost positive I was at this show! Mabuhay Gardens, San Francisco in 1981 - it looks and sounds awfully damn familiar!! In case you have trouble understanding, the song is "Nervous Breakdown".

So Long to American Splendor

2010-07-13T11:09:00.000-07:00

Anthony Bourdain wrote this tribute to Harvey Pekar, who died yesterday. He said it all better than anyone else could...

Governor FAIL

2010-07-11T12:27:00.000-07:00

As the annual budget crisis unfolds, The Austrian Oaf and his Baldheaded Gap-Toothed Poison Dwarf Spokesasshole, Aaron McLear are outdoing themselves. Shoveling bullshit at record speed. As if it weren't enough that Arnold appears to be totally incapable of governance, he continually states that his singling out of state employees is nothing personal. Everyone has to share the pain of the bad economy, blah, blah, blah. Well, guess what? A 15% salary reduction is nothing to sneeze at, but I and most others were willing to accept it to do our part, if you like. After 18 months of that, the additional arrows aimed in our direction begin to feel personal. And, since this sort of talk plays so well with the dimwitted rubes, the frothing in the newspaper comment sections is epic.

However, the Federal minimum wage threat is nothing more than baldfaced political brinksmanship with State employees as pawns. The ugliness of this threat is truly astounding. In addition, the economic repercussions for this region (and many others in the state) will be HUGE. If this travesty is allowed to play out, expect much ugliness and business failures.

Once again, Arnold resorts to lame bullshit and threats to get his way. He doesn't give shit, and he never did despite his claims to the contrary.

In a word: FAIL.

A Continuing Theme - Loss

2010-06-14T11:03:00.000-07:00

I previously posted about two old friends who recently decided to end their own lives. These were people with whom I had not been in very contact in recent years, so I'm sad to say that in a way, their deaths made little impression on me. This is not to say that I wasn't saddened by their passing, but it's not the same as losing a family member. Unfortunately, I had to experience this as well.

Last week, my aunt Joan died after a long and terrible bout with cancer. She was very brave throughout, and always kept her positive and loving demeanor intact, despite the pain and indignities brought on by the disease and the treatments.

Joan, who chose to use that middle name because she never liked her given name, which was Shirley. I guess I can understand it, but I had trouble getting used to it, and she never gave me a hard time when I used it! I used to kid her about the name change, and would sometimes call her "The Aunt Formerly Known as Shirley". A riff on Prince's weird phase of changing his name to a stupid, meaningless symbol! It was a joke she probably didn't really get, but she was indulgent enough to laugh whenever I said it to her.

I come from a large extended family, and I have lost count of how many cousins I have on my mother's side, but Joan was always a favorite aunt among the many Bryan kids. She lived close to my mom in Santa Barbara, so I saw more of her than most of my other maternal relatives. In contrast to the recent deaths of my two old school friends, this one hits much harder, and I feel a much deeper sense of loss. I know that most of my other relatives will feel the same way, since of all of the siblings in that family, she was one of the sweetest and kindest. She rarely had a bad thing to say about anyone, despite having had plenty of reasons to complain.

So long auntie Joan....

Thomas Kinkade?

2010-06-09T09:48:00.000-07:00

If he had in fact painted this, it would be the only thing of his I would actually buy.

The Incredible Beauty of Mt. Tamalpais in the Spring

2010-05-22T19:52:00.000-07:00

My friends Eric and George made this amazing video of the incredible scenery that can be found on Mt. Tam - a part of our childhood stomping grounds, and a place we all like to return to when possible. Enjoy!!

I Ask No Other Heaven from Eric Rorer on Vimeo.

Loss

2010-05-22T19:48:00.000-07:00

In the last two weeks, two friends from the past chose to end their own lives. This is almost always a shock, and oftentimes, there is in addition to sadness, a sense of guilt. Guilt for not having been a better friend perhaps. But I don't suppose I will ever really know what really drove these two people to commit suicide. I only know that they leave behind friends and family who will miss them, and likely ask themselves if they couldn't have perhaps done something to help prevent the tragedy...

Family Fun

2010-05-07T08:33:00.001-07:00

Had a nice visit with the Santa Barbara parental units over the past weekend. A nice time, punctuated by good food, hysterical laughter, a couple of nice walks and the urge to cry like a little girl...

I'll explain that last one: my aunt Joan is nearing the end of a long struggle with cancer. Anyone who has been through this experience will tell you that it is really difficult to watch. I make no claims that I can really understand what my cousins are going through (especially Joan's youngest daughter), even though my dad looked like he was going to snuff it 11 years ago from lymphoma. However, to see a loved family member suffer is never easy. She's reached the stage where she's receiving palliative care, rather than treatments for the illness. She is a very sweet woman and doesn't deserve this. OK, enough of the sad shit.

We had a great dinner at an old-school steak house called Harry's, known for their big-ass cocktails. A Bombay Sapphire martini was a nice way to kick things off! Pretty damn decent steaks too.

My brother-in-law was pressed into service in the kitchen a few times, producing excellent vittles as usual. Grilled lamb was one of the finer things we had.

The weather? It was Santa Barbara, so I think we all know the answer to that! I was able to drive much of the way with the top down, but heading back into the Valley on Highway 41, the wind and bugs got to be too annoying, so top back up.

Then the long I-5 slog back to Sac-Town. People need to lay off the amphetamines and testosterone when driving out there. The speed limit is 70, but with the cruise control set at 75, I was being passed - at speed - by assloads of SUVs packed to the brim with fat children and extraneous luggage on the roof. These rocket scientists are asking to be headlines in the Fresno Bee - "Lard-Ass Family Die Hideous, Fiery Death in Collision with Big Rig Full of Parsnips". For all the CHP units I saw, there were precious few drivers being ticketed... I do begin to see the appeal of a bigger vehicle in these situations - a Mini Cooper feels awfully tiny amongst all the behemoth vehicles on that road. And the truckers are often worse, driving well over the limit of 55 and making passing hazardous. Oh, and don't forget the guy going 2 MPH faster than a column of 20 big rigs, with a passle of cars/trucks on his ass at a distance of 6 inches the whole time. One false move and you have an instant catastrophic fireball of mayhem!!

Anyway, getting home after 10:30 PM and needing to get up for work at 6 the next morning is not conducive to high productivity at work, in case you were wondering...

Proposition 16

2010-04-09T09:57:00.000-07:00

In case you haven't noticed, there have been a lot of ads on TV and in your mailbox in support of this proposition. Here's a little info in case you were unaware of what it is trying to achieve. Essentially, this is a PG&E-funded move to try and capitalize on anti-government sentiment in order to assure that no more municipal electrical utilities can be created without a 2/3 public vote in favor. A pretty high hurdle, right?

Those of us who get their electricity from SMUD here in Sacramento understand that we pay far lower rates, and SMUD still makes money. PG&E on the other hand is WAY MORE EXPENSIVE. I know this from having lived in a number of other cities in California, where I always paid more for power than I do here.

So, if you want to pay more, and do the bidding of a massive power company, then by all means, vote yes. If you want reliable power at reasonable cost, and COMPETITION. VOTE NO.

End of Rant.

Oh, the Hypocrisy...

2010-03-08T13:01:00.000-08:00

Well, what many have suspected since his arrest for a DUI after a night of drinking and cruising at "Faces", a well-known gay bar here in town, Senator Roy Ashburn (R) of Bakersfield has admitted that he is in fact gay. Yes, good ol' boy Roy is a homosexual. After years of voting against virtually every piece of gay-friendly legislation, he was forced to admit his homosexuality. On one level, I feel sorry for the man - it can't be easy to admit something like this, especially in a district that is so vehemently anti-gay (and anti-most anything that isn't something that WASPs like). I can only imagine what people are saying in the Alley Cat, or Trout's, or any other bar in Bakersfield or Oildale. Yikes...

On the other hand, screw him for his voting record and for discriminating against those who, in reality, are his "own" people.

Read about the jackass here.

Turning the Tables

2010-01-30T08:30:00.001-08:00

EMBED-Door To Door Atheists Bother Mormons - Watch more free videos

Amazing video, showing how and Australian atheist goes door-to-door in Salt Lake City, just like a Mormon missionary, but preaching the word of Charles Darwin. The "saints" are not amused - but I am!

The Budget Mess

2010-01-30T08:04:00.000-08:00

As we head into yet another predictably grim budget cycle, I wanted to point out a couple of facts about California's public employee staffing ratio as it relates to the total population. I was interested in finding this data after getting thoroughly fed up with the endless bitching of the legions of mouth-breathing anti-government-everything types in the newspaper comments sections or on TV. This information should also be something that the lovely Meg Whitman gets shoved in her "20 Miles of Bad Road" face at every opportunity.

What the hell am I jabbering about? It's this: Based on US Census Bureau data from 2007 (the most recent stats I could find, but recent enough), California has the 2nd-lowest ratio of public employees to total population in the entire US with 103 employees to every 10,000 residents. Lowest is Illinois with 94 was lower. The bottom 5 also included Nevada, Florida and Arizona.

We live in a state with over 35,000,000 residents. More than many countries on this planet. And those residents demand all kinds of lovely services that they have no desire to fund. Additionally, the ballot initiative process had put us in the position of having iron-clad mandates to fund programs, with no flexibility to reapportion the budget in times of fiscal crisis. Voters, being the vast herd of 3-toed sloths that they are, never think about shit like this when they punch the ballot, and here we are, in another huge financial hole.

Well folks, NONE of this shit (by shit I mean roads, fire and police, prisons, public health, parks, etc., etc., etc.) is FREE, OK? Everything has gotten more expensive, including public services like the ones listed above. Do people really think that public services are immune to increased costs? Really?

Most of these same people seem to think that California has an endless supply of purple-shirted lardasses sitting around offices all over the state doing absolutely nothing but getting fat on donuts and pizza. Granted, there are enough of those out there to make me sick, yet they truly do represent a small minority of the total number of employees. Where I work, people routinely come in after hours to respond to data center emergencies, or stay late to work on important projects, without submitting for overtime. Are there laggards and slugs? A couple perhaps, but not so many as to represent some vast horde of meat-sacks consuming all the oxygen while contributing nothing at all.

So the next time some plutocrat asshole airs a campaign ad about cutting staffing in State agencies and departments, think about these statistics. Campaign advertisements are just that; advertisements. And they're designed to appeal to the lowest common denominator. Find an easy target, and fire away.

Here is a link to the report that compiled these stats. Happy reading.

2010-01-08T13:12:00.001-08:00

FUCK. YOU. ARNOLD.

Humor

2009-11-13T11:16:00.000-08:00

I watched this Python sketch again today and wanted to share - one of the best, especially Cleese's anti-communist rant at the end...

Brilliant!

2009-10-28T13:39:00.000-07:00

I told my friend Teresa about an offer I came across for a free Snuggie - click here if you have been living under a rock for a while - since it sounded like something she would jump on. A free Snuggie? I mean, come on! However, she told me she didn't really need it. She said "I'll just continue using my velour blanket with a hole cut in the middle...kind of like a poncho..."

Why the hell didn't I think of that?

PS: When I was in elementary school, a "snuggie" was what many folks refer to as a "wedgie". Just thought you'd like to know.

The Sheep Syndrome

2009-10-11T19:43:00.000-07:00

Riddle me this, Batman:

Why, when entering the nearly-empty dining area of a fast-food establishment, will people decide to sit right next to me? Especially old, complainy people with loud breathing and groaning? WHY? My father has christened this "the sheep syndrome". Some folks just feel the need to be close to others - I on the other hand prefer that people stay way the hell away from me.

It seemed sort of stupid to get up in the middle of my sumptous repast of a jalapeno cheeseburger and fries to move away from them, but I was greatly annoyed nonetheless. Silly, perhaps, but what the hell? I was tempted to start talking to them with my mouth full, spitting bits of chewed burger at them, but that seemed rather more childish than even I would typically behave, so I chose to grin and bear it, and continue to marvel at the weirdness that is humanity.

Judge Pants Update!!

2009-08-18T12:49:00.000-07:00

How did I miss this item? The latest of (ex) Judge Roy Pearson's attention-whore stunts has failed! Read all about it here!

Asshat of the Month!

2009-08-18T10:26:00.000-07:00

Since I can't seem to keep up with the weekly Asshat Award, I will move to a monthly format. Here's our honoree for the month of August:

Glenn Beck - the more I hear the more I am annoyed/amused by his lame-ass antics. The man has no scruples whatsoever, and positively revels in vituperative hate speech, misinformation and outright lies (the Germans have a nice word for it: Volksverhetzung). Not to mention his ludicrously retarded fake crying act in his September 11th program - what a jackass.

Now, his advertisers are abandoning him in droves thanks to his idiotic remarks about Barack Obama (he has a "deep-seated hatred for white people or the white culture."). WTF?

The saga will doubtless continue as Beck continues to pull random crazy shit out of his ass and blather it to millions of willing acolytes who seem not to possess completely developed critical faculties (the Germans have a nice word for this too: Volksverdummung). Sadly, it's not at all surprising that so many are willing to accept his swill without batting an eyelid.

Remake of Epic Suckage.

2009-08-10T14:25:00.000-07:00

Why do a crappy remake of a crappy film? "Red Dawn" is one of the schlockiest movies ever made - granted, it's highly enjoyable schlock, but still. Hollywood is clearly bereft of original ideas when they start making this kind of swill. What's next? Remakes of "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" or "Krull"? Not to mention "Son of Cruise" will be in it...

Dreck.

Do you know what your cat gets up to when you're not home?

2009-08-09T17:53:00.000-07:00

Here's what one Florida man's pet allegedly did - downloaded an assload of child pornography! Sounds like a typical day in Florida, the nexus of weirdness in the USA...

Stupid cat.

Da lacht der Betrachter...

2009-07-27T16:15:00.000-07:00

Awesomeness.

2009-07-09T13:48:00.000-07:00

No better word comes to mind to describe the Mini-Cooper Wienermobile.

Pit River Fishing Trip Report – and Swan Song

2009-06-23T22:02:00.000-07:00

I just returned from a 4-day camping and fishing trip on the Pit River in northern California, and it was, as it has been the last few times, a great trip. The fishing was good, the weather perfect and the mosquitoes unenthusiastic! My brother-in-law enjoys camp cookery, and he is something of an artist. There is truth in the saying that “food tastes better outdoors”, but he goes above and beyond the usual campfire fare. Here’s a rundown of a couple of the menus:
- Steak grilled over oak, green salad, asparagus risotto
- Pork ribs and sauerkraut, cooked in a Dutch oven with potatoes
- Bacon, over-medium eggs and toast for brekkers
- Grilled home-made sausage sandwiches with pepper Jack cheese
- Etc.
As you can see, not just the usual can o’ beans, wieners, mac-n-cheese and Top Ramen! All of this was enhanced by liberal quantities of good whiskey and cold beer, plus fine tobacco products. Mmm, unhealthy…

Also caught a couple fish, but mainly just enjoyed the peace and quiet.

Now for the bad news.

PG&E manages this river with permission from the US Government. Recently, the National Park Service (NPS) decided that in order for PG&E to continue generating electricity from the 5 dams on this river, they would have to make “improvements” to the recreational facilities along the river. Until now, the Pit River had a number of features that made it unique in this state:
- No cost to camp
- No running water or sanitary facilities of any kind
- No electricity at campsites
- No paved roads
- Viable wild trout population
- Firearms allowed!
This was a place that was just inconvenient enough to keep the vast majority of assholes away. No RVs could get in, and this seems to have been a good thing since the area is remarkably unsullied by garbage or too many signs of human presence. It’s quiet, beautiful and amazing. Until July 6th, 2009. After that date, the dam road will be closed until December 1st, 2009 so that it can be paved and “improved” campgrounds can be built. This will have the effect of bringing 100 times as many visitors to the area, with the attendant increases in environmental damage as well as a complete loss of the solitude one could traditionally enjoy here. Let’s not forget the fact that the wild trout population will be decimated in a very short time.

Bowing to the kayaker lobby, PG&E has also agreed to double the flows in the river, which will make it impossible to wade and fish. There are dozens of rivers where the fucking kayakers can go, but only one place like the Pit watershed.

The bottom line is that this was probably the last time we ever go to this place, and it is a sad realization that it will soon be gone forever. For me the loss is not as great as for my brother-in-law, who has been coming here for 11 years, or his friends who started camping and fishing on this spot some 30 years ago. For them, it will be a major drag.

Depressing...

Asshat of the Week Returns!

2009-06-11T20:03:00.000-07:00

I just read this yesterday and felt the need to share. It's another example of tort law run amok, and the motivation is so incredibly petty and stupid, that the mind absolutely boggles. Read all about Mr. Alfred Rava - one gigantic, steaming pile of crap. Granted, in the grand scheme of things, it hardly seems worthwhile to get terribly riled up over this story, but sweet boneless Christ, how much lower can someone sink over such an inane thing?

The Creek of Shit - We are up it...

2009-05-22T09:36:00.000-07:00

So the State of California finds itself farther up Shit Creek than ever before, and still no paddles. Our magnificent Governor, and the douchebags we seem to elect for State office every time have once again proven that they are incapable of taking care of business.

But, let's not forget my fellow citizens! Every election cycle, a group of folks get together and write ballot initiatives, which to my way of thinking, are just a way to bypass the process. Granted, the process sucks but not nearly as much as the average ballot initiative. Any more, if a signature-gatherer waves a clipboard under my nose, I want to punch his fucking lights out. These things are written by two types of people/groups:

1. Morons with no idea of how to write a basic, semi-coherent sentence let alone legislation affecting almost 40 million people.

2. Asshole lobbysists, lawyers and well-funded PACs and other special interest groups who can all die in a fire for pushing their usually wrongheaded agendas, thoroughly camouflaged in pages of gibberish.

Needless to say, both of these variants have contributed massively to the mess we find ourselves in today. Proposing new government programs without ensuring that sufficient funding will be available in the future. Fucking brilliant.

This is not to say that our crack legislators and rocket-scientist governors haven't done their part of course - spending money like drunken sailors with no thought for the consequences, pork barrel BS in every district, regardless of political affiliation. Yes, our party of "NO", the California Republican Party and its members bear just as much responsibility as the rest. Just saying no to everything is not legislating, it's pouting. That's not helping, boys!

Now, we all get to pay the price! Those of us who work for the State in the form of salary cuts as high as 14%, and the rest in taxes, loss of services, DMV office closures, potholes that could swallow a mastodon, and reduced police and fire protection.

Good times!

Want to Know Why I Dislike Religion?

2009-05-19T22:00:00.000-07:00

Here's just one example of why. The case of Daniel Hauser. His parents are potentially condemning this child to death because of their belief structure (which is, in my humble opinion, total bullshit), rather than what is best for the child. STUPIDITY. Daniel himself has been brainwashed by his asinine parents and claims he would physically resist getting chemotherapy. These asshats have a lot to answer for...

Why?

2009-05-12T20:18:00.001-07:00

Stupid post follows!

Someone please explain this to me. Why is it that I see people wearing wool knit caps when the weather is like it is now? 80 degrees and sunny? Are these people insane? I can hardly wear those damn things when it's 30 degrees out!!! Someone please explain it to me because it makes no damn sense.

Silly Policeman

2009-05-09T22:28:00.000-07:00

For the first time in almost 30 years, I was pulled over by a police officer.

It happened at about 9:00 PM. I noticed him parked by the side of the road as I passed SMUD headquarters. It was a nice evening so I was driving with the top down and enjoying the drive. I saw his cruiser pull in behind me as headed towards 59th Street. I had consumed a couple of margaritas a few hours before, so I was a bit nervous! Anyway, I got to the intersection of 59th and Broadway, which is a T junction. The light was red, and there was a car in front of me. Knowing that the cop was behind me, I made a point of making a 3-second stop, using my blinkers, then turning. Immediately, he lights me up!

I shut off the engine, turn on parking lights and wait with both hands on the steering wheel. He walks up an asks me if I know why he stopped me.

Me: "I have no idea, officer".

Cop: "There is a sign back there that says No Right Turn on Red, did you see that?"

Me: "Why yes I did see it. Since I live about 1 mile from here, I see it every day. And I also see the sign mounted right below it that says 'When Pedestrians are Present', and there were no pedestrians nearby"

Cop: "The sign says 'No Right Turn on Red'.

Me: "Yes, and the other sign says 'When Pedestrians are Present'.

Cop: "Well, since the vehicle in front of you did the same thing, I am not going to cite you, but I will warn you to be more careful at that intersection"

Me: "I'll be sure to do that - thanks"

In my head: "You douchenozzle - make sure of your facts before you go acting like a jerk and stopping me because you're either too bored or too stupid to perform due diligence on the job".

And, why a UC Davis cop figured he needed to pull me over when he was more than 2 miles away from UCD Med Center is beyond me. What a putz.

In any case, I check my blood alcohol level when I got home with my handy pocket breathalyzer, and I was well under the limit - so there!!

SysAdmin Fun!

2009-04-26T19:24:00.000-07:00

Ahh, the life of a systems administrator! I forgot what working on a Sunday was like! Could be worse though, since I can use a few bucks with our super-bitchin' 10% pay cut still in effect.

I still feel really stupid and useless though. That learning curve is hella steep when you stay away from servers long enough. And when the services you support are geared toward "VIPs", they are not very understanding about service outages. We have no regular maintenance window, and the expectation is 100% availability, which is simply impossible.

Oh well, the worst that can happen is disapproving comments from people with no freakin' clue - I think I can survive that!

My consultant pals can ignore the image below! ;)

Cruisin' with Ruben and the Jets - Beer

2009-04-05T09:43:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, I came across this offering from Lagunitas Brewing Company, yet another Frank Zappa tribute bottle of their fine ale.

I previously reviewed their "Kill Ugly Radio" version of this beer, and it was fantastic, as all Lagunitas products have been in my experience.

This ale was no exception - a nicely balanced, not overly hoppy or bitter ale with a full flavor and the slightest hint of sweetness. Add to this the album cover art of the first FZ album I ever heard, and you have a winning combination!

Thrills that are not cheap to be sure, but worth every cent!

The Bar Bike

2009-03-29T08:32:00.000-07:00

Craig W. has made it possible for an aging wannabe cyclist like myself to use this bike for runs to the Rubicon or Bonn Lair!

I acquired it cheaply on eBay and removed the 10-speed cluster, had the rear wheel re-dished and a single cog installed. It still needed a few things and Craig delivered: Takagi Tourney crank with 38-tooth chainring replaces the old double with non-removable chainring ugliness (nice touch with the red bolts), fresh brake cables and period levers as well as a professional looking tape job in the Nitto bars (stem is a Nitto Technomic).

Thanks to Craig's efforts, the bike turned out the way I was hoping it would! It looks very cool and has none of the hipster douchiness one sees so often on the streets of the Sacrament Grid (chopped bars, Aerospokes, etc). Just a clean, functional and now (fairly) lightweight machine.

Here's a nice photo he shot of the finished product:

Craig, you rock!

San Francisco

2009-03-22T09:52:00.000-07:00

My nephew and his buddy came to visit last week, and we had to do the obligatory San Francisco sightseeing. Those who know me will probably also realize that we went to a few spots not on the normal tourist route (Vietnamese food in the Sunset, Fort Cronkhite, etc.), but we did do some of the usual. They are 16 years old, from Germany and Spain respectively and enjoy all the gee-whiz, honky-tonk stuff that is SF for the tourist. We walked across the GG Bridge, visited Alcatraz and ate too much ice cream in Ghirardelli Square - good times! A bit of photographic evidence:

More Great Album Covers!

2009-02-25T09:07:00.000-08:00

By "great" I mean "craptastic"! Here's a couple of samples...

Don't forget, Little David Wilkins is The King of All the Taverns!!

How about "Can I Borrow a Hairstyle other than this Mullet"? And I thought this was a song by Kirk van Houten from The Simpsons...

Click here for the Full Monty!

You've Heard of Wikipedia...

2009-02-24T21:05:00.000-08:00

Welcome to Dickipedia!! A wiki of dicks! Excellent look at a variety of dicks from the world of politics, entertainment, sports, etc. - enjoy!

Irish Police Crack the Case!

2009-02-24T21:03:00.000-08:00

The mystery of a terrible driver in Ireland was solved when cops there made an important discovery... Read all about it here!

Sarah, Sarah, Sarah...

2009-01-17T17:27:00.000-08:00

Ahh, Sarah Palin, the gift that keeps on giving! I just read this editorial in Newsday, regarding her continued attempts to blame the "mainstream media" for her and Fester's defeat in the election, and her continued negative image. Take a look in the mirror, Sarah, there's the one you have to blame. Step up and take responsibility for the fact that you were not, nor will you ever be, ready to take on anything bigger than the Alaska state house. Stop blaming the rest of the world for your failings and weaknesses already!

Read here, if you wish!

Dick

2009-01-14T18:23:00.000-08:00

I am watching Jim Lehrer's interview with Dick Cheney right now, and it is bringing home what a truly vile, venal, cynical, dishonest and disgusting excuse for a human being he truly is. He is truly a giant steaming pile of shit. "Support and defend the Constitution" - does that include wiping your ass with it, Dick?

He has not uttered one true word about his and Bush's tenure during the entire course of this interview.

Swine. Filth. Excrement. Bowl of pus. Sick, sick bastard.

Die - In - A - Fire.

R.I.P. Ricardo Montalban

2009-01-14T13:34:00.000-08:00

A bad day for celebrity deaths apparently - Ricardo Montalban also died today... As a poster on Fark.com put it - he will be buried in a casket of rich Corinthian leather...

Number 6 Has Finally Escaped from The Village

2009-01-14T13:18:00.000-08:00

Patrick McGoohan passed away today at the age of 80. He was best known for his role as "The Prisoner" and as Edward Longshanks in "Braveheart".

So long, Number 6...

American Idol is Back!

2009-01-13T21:31:00.000-08:00

Well, BFD eh? But here is an epic clip of a bunch of really silly girls reacting to David Cook's victory over David Archuleta in last year's Idol. Seeing this helps me understand how messed up we are as a country!!! Seriously though, this is freakin' hysterical shit!

The Adventures of Tintin

2009-01-11T08:05:00.000-08:00

I came across this article on the BBC website about my favorite comic book character!

For those who have no idea what I am talking about, Tintin was created in Belgium by Georges Remi - popularly known as Herge - in 1929. His books have him traveling all over the world with his terrier Snowy (or Milou in the original French), righting all sorts of wrongs (while displaying a high degree of ethnocentricism if not outright racism in the process, but consider the era in which many of these stories were written).

Here's a link to the story should you care to read it. I have been a fan since the 3rd grade! In addition to all of the books in English, I have several in German and a few in French, plus a number of ties, pins and other assorted Tintin paraphernalia - it's a bit of a sickness actually...

Liberal Elite Media Conspiracy Alert!

2009-01-10T08:38:00.000-08:00

Attention-whore and alleged woman, Ann Coulter, author of various insane neo-fascist screeds was recently bumped from a scheduled appearance on the hard-hitting "Today Show" on NBC to talk about her new waste of paper and ink. This lead her (him?) and others of her ilk (most notably giant hemorrhoid Matt Drudge) to proclaim that this was a "permanent ban".

Shock!! Horror!! Consternation!!

Sadly, Drudge and Coulter were wrong (as usual), and the appearance of this Josef Goebbels wannabe harpy was merely rescheduled for an appearance on "The Early Show" due to some minor news events in Gaza. He/she has appeared many times on this program in the past for some reason, and NBC made it quite clear that there is not "lifetime ban".

Suck it Ann and Matt!

However, "Today" did end up scheduling an interview on the program with someone who is nearly as heinous, disgusting and useless as Goebbels - errr - Coulter. Noted douchebag Perez Hilton was interviewed instead. Seems fitting somehow.

A Bill for Mr. Bush

2009-01-09T16:40:00.000-08:00

Salon.com published this article which totals up the debts "W" has rung up during his 8 glorious years in office. It's a fairly comprehensive summation, and it runs to only 3 web pages, but it's worth looking at - especially if you have ever been in doubt about the amount of damage this shitbird has done. Happy reading!

Judge Pants Update!!!

2008-12-21T22:44:00.000-08:00

My very favorite asshat (in a statistical dead heat with: George Bush, Dick Cheney, Karl Rove, Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Condi Rice, and any number of other Bush fans/apologists/morons), Former Judge Roy Pearson is in the news yet again! Yes, the Attention Whore former judge has had his peepee slapped by the D.C. Court of Appeals who denied his appeal to overturn the previous peepee slapping he received in 2007. His attempt to sue for $54 million for the loss of his "lucky pants" has been denied, yet again. Suck it, Roy!

I am fairly certain this is not the last we have heard from this douchenozzle - stay tuned!

O Canada!

2008-12-13T07:48:00.000-08:00

I meant to post this some time ago after a visit to my friend Michele in Ottawa. A week is scarcely enough time to visit this city and the surrounding countryside, which is quite lovely. Here's a few random photos for your enjoyment!

Inside the Dieffenbunker - Planned home to Canada's government in case of nuclear war. This is a "window" in the dining hall.

Canadian Parliament complex.

Oh yes, a real Mountie posing with Michele at the Peacekeeper Memorial. Rare to see these guys in the traditional uniform! They usually look like generic cops.
Poutine FTW! Canada's culinary gift to the world - fries covered in fresh cheese curds and topped off with gravy. Epic! Nutritional disaster, but epic!

The Rideau Canal.
Inside the Canadian War Museum. An impressive place with a big collection of armored vehicles in the basement!

Outside the Canadian War Museum.

View from the Peace Tower in the Parliament building - Ottawa is really quite lovely in parts! Other bits could be in any other US city of it's size, but the people are much nicer, and we have no Tim Horton's!

Japanese News Crew Films Tree That Totally Looks Like Godzilla!

2008-11-18T09:38:00.000-08:00

Stupid, but cool.

For Crap's Sake

2008-11-16T14:19:00.000-08:00

In America, they came first for the crosses, And I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Christian;

And then they came for the Santa Clauses, And I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Capitalist;

And then they came for the presents, And I didn't speak up because I was a Jew;

And then . . . they came for my cookies . . . And by that time there was no milk left to drink up.

Freakin' Christmas ads, sales, etc. already making me crazy! Even worse, let's express outrage over retailers who are "Christmas-offensive" (i.e., not using the word "christmas" during holiday sales, etc.). Thanks "Focus on the Family"! How about focusing on your own damn family and leave me and mine the hell alone? Oh, and while you're at it, die in a hot fire. The beautiful thing about their list of course, is that the worst offenders are places I would never shop anyway (American Eagle, Banana Republic, Bloomingdale's, Lane Bryant, Old Navy)!!!

"Focus on the Family" continues to prove that stupidity is the most plentiful element in the universe.

Asshat of the Week!

2008-11-14T23:08:00.000-08:00

Yes, it returns - Asshat of the Week!

This week's recipient is none other than Kanye West! Kanye says he's "the voice of this generation". Ummm, OK Kanye. At least ONE person thinks that. Can your neck still support that giant swollen head of yours?

Word to your mother, Kanye. Asshat...

Read all about it here if you give a tiny, fuzzy rat's ass.

Groovy Swedish Dance Bands - Again!

2008-11-14T17:39:00.000-08:00

Amazing how many incredibly bizarre-looking '70s musical groups came out of a country as small as Sweden!

Here's a sample. Click here for a whole bunch more!

Oral Surgery is Not Terribly Entertaining

2008-11-09T18:07:00.000-08:00

Thanks Captain Obvious!

Well, I had my first round of surgery on the jaw and gums, and it was finger-lickin' unpleasant! The novocaine began to wear off before the doctor finished, and I was pretty uncomfortable for the last 10 minuts or so. Add to this that said doctor and his assistant were yanking on the corner of my mouth like they were trying to pull a marlin onto a boat. The skin is split there - nice!

Thanks to my current best buddy, Mr. Vicodin, recovery is not too bad. I just have to be careful about drinking cold bevvies or chewing on hard foods. Needless to say, I am catching up on my Spam and egg consumption, and wrapping random foods in flour tortillas! No booze for a week, so that sort of sucks. I think I'll survive however.

For no particular reason, here's a picture of me driving Unitrans RTL1014 at UC Davis back in 1985.

Fuck I'm old.

History

2008-11-04T21:46:00.000-08:00

Almost Over...

2008-11-02T10:07:00.000-08:00

The presidential campaign is winding down, so here are a couple of tidbits to enjoy before Tuesday.

VOTE!

Sarah Palin, Proud Socialist!

2008-10-29T08:46:00.000-07:00

Anyone out there worried about Obama's "socialist' tendencies? How about Caribou Barbie's own little Alaskan Socialist Republic?

The following is a quote from a commnetary by Hendrik Hertzberg at The New Yorker magazine:

"The state that she governs has no income or sales tax. Instead, it imposes huge levies on the oil companies that lease its oil fields. The proceeds finance the government’s activities and enable it to issue a four-figure annual check to every man, woman, and child in the state. One of the reasons Palin has been a popular governor is that she added an extra twelve hundred dollars to this year’s check, bringing the per-person total to $3,269. A few weeks before she was nominated for Vice-President, she told a visiting journalist—Philip Gourevitch, of this magazine—that “we’re set up, unlike other states in the union, where it’s collectively Alaskans own the resources. So we share in the wealth when the development of these resources occurs.” Perhaps there is some meaningful distinction between spreading the wealth and sharing it (“collectively,” no less), but finding it would require the analytic skills of Karl the Marxist."

Yeah, Obama's a socialist. Oh, and a muslim, a white supremacist, a homosexual, a member of "The Pips", Chuck Berry's former guitar tuner, driver for Miss Daisy, and a card-carrying member of "The Hair Club for Men".

Some people are batshit fucking crazy.

Caribou Barbie's Outfits! Available at Needless-Mark-up!

2008-10-22T09:14:00.000-07:00

Lovely item from the AP wire today. It seems that the RNC has been funding Sarah Palin's "Extreme Makeover" with some serious shopping sprees and whatnot. Here's a couple of nice quotes from the article:

"The Republican National Committee spent about $150,000 on clothing, hair styling, makeup and other "campaign accessories" in September for the McCain campaign after Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin joined the ticket as his running mate."

And:

"The expenses include $75,062 spent at Neiman Marcus in Minneapolis Minn., and $41,850 in St. Louis in early September. The committee also reported spending $4,100 for makeup and hair consulting. The expenses were first reported by Politico.com."

In the interest of full disclosure, the McSame/Failin' campaign states that the clothing will be donated to a "charitable purpose" after the campaign. We'll see, I suppose. However, given Sarah's penchant for accepting government largesse (Alaska - the most Socialist State in the Union!) and allowing taxpayers to foot the bill for her oddly-named children to travel with her to "official" functions, I doubt that the clothing will ever leave her closets. Unless she's wearing it, that is.

McCain - Crisis-Tested!

2008-10-21T18:50:00.000-07:00

Wow, I had no idea that John McCain had been "tested in a crisis". By this he seems to mean that because of his experience during the Cuban Missile Crisis, that he is better qualified to be president. Here's the quote:

"I was on board the USS Enterprise. I sat in the cockpit, on the flight deck of the USS Enterprise, off of Cuba. I had a target. My friends, you know how close we came to a nuclear war."

OK, so because he sat in an airplane cockpit, with a target assigned (which he obviously never attacked), he has the needed experience to deal with a crisis. Is it just me or is this a total non-sequitur? Had McCain been Fleet Admiral of the USN, or the CINCLANTFL (COMmander, u.s. atLANTic FLeet), or perhaps the captain of the USS Enterprise, then he could (by some stretch) claim some sort of experience that's semi-relevant to the presidency. But as a pilot, sitting in the cockpit, or drinking coffee in the Pilot's Ready Room on an aircraft carrier? A guy with no command authority simply waiting on orders? Give me break...

Fishin'

2008-10-21T18:29:00.000-07:00

Just got back from another fishing trip to the Pit River in Northern California with my bro-in-law and buddy Scott. Poor fishing did not detract from the beauty of the setting and the fine eats prepared by Christopher as always. Here's a few photos!

Just Found - Picture of Sarah Palin's Cat!!!

2008-10-04T22:15:00.000-07:00

This cat clearly is ready to be Secretary of State in a McInsane/Palin cabinet!!

More Info to Help You Decide!

2008-09-20T15:56:00.000-07:00

Any of you folks Sarah Palin fans? Like the choice McBush - err, McCain made for his VP? Remember Dan Quayle? Well, you don't need Democrats telling you about her qualifications, or more accurately, lack thereof? Well, read what GOP heavy-hitter Chuck Hagel of Nebraska has to say about Sarah, and the McCain camp's claims that she is TOTALLY QUALIFIED to be not only VPOTUS, but POTUS!

Think long and hard about voting for the old feller...

Wheeeeee!!!

2008-09-20T12:34:00.001-07:00

OK, so I'm nuts. I have finally gone over the edge. After a 22-year pause, I have once again joined the ranks of the drop-top owners!

Here she is, a 2006 Pepper White Mini-Cooper S! I haven't had so much fun driving a car since I rented that Opel Vectra CDTI 6-speed in Germany and drove it 250 kmh (that's about 150 mph) on Autobahn A1!!

The car is equipped with a 1.6 liter supercharged 4-cylinder engine, a 6-speed multi-mode automatic transmission, the so-called Sport, Premium and Cold Weather option packages, 17" alloy wheels with Dunlop run-flats, driving lights and black bonnet stripes! The ride is a mite on the rough side, and I will be changing out the wheels for a set of 16" rims to soften things up a bit. This will be an improvment too in wet weather, since the tires will be a bit narrower. It may diminish the overall handling slightly, but in this thing, that isn't saying much. It corners like it's on rails.

The stupid grin on my face is a more or less permanent feature when I'm driving around with the top down!

Asshat of the Month!

2008-08-24T16:35:00.000-07:00

I haven't done any asshat postings for a while, so here's a good one! It seems the mayor of Clayton, California received a complaint from a citizen (substitute the word "asshole" for "citizen") that two little girls were - GASP - selling produce from their back yard to make a few bucks! Horror! Consternation!

Thanks to Mayor Gregg Manning, the citizens of Clayton are now safe from the terrors of fresh, homegrown produce! Thank Fuck for Gregg Manning!!

Read the story here.

New Web Crap to Share

2008-08-24T16:10:00.000-07:00

Here is a small selection of links to some stuff I came across accidentally (except Biker Fox - my Buddy Craig is responsible for that one)!

First we have a series of photos of people jumping around on hotel beds. Really stupid, but it made me laugh that people went to the trouble for some reason.

http://www.hotelsbycity.net/blog/bed-jump/category/bed-jumping-images/

Next is a series of accurate anatomical drawings with a slightly insane twist - just the kind of thing I enjoy!

Finally, Biker Fox! Here's a guy whose claim to fam is that he was the 1st person (he claims anyway) to ever do a front-flip on a bicycle. OK then! He is clearly very much in love with himself and thinks the ladies are too - and perhaps they are in Tulsa, Oklahoma where he lives. Judge for yourself. Personally, I think he's a total knob.

Check out his website - if you dare. Beware of the loud cheeseoid music!

Plan 59!

2008-08-20T20:23:00.001-07:00

Found this site - Plan 59 - today, and I was amazed at the collection mid-century commercial artwork. They even have a couple of Hamm's advertisements! Nice!

Also, this maniacal child ready to kill for a sammich...

Click here to check it out!

Cool 4-Eared Cat

2008-08-20T09:50:00.001-07:00

I ran across this critter on the web and I think he looks pretty cool! "Yoda" is pretty much a perfect name!

Click here to read his story!

SFMOMA Employee Demonstrates How NOT to Handle Visitor Relations!

2008-08-10T07:58:00.000-07:00

On a visit to SFMOMA, photographer Thomas Hawk was ejected from the premises by the director of visitor relations, Simon Blint, depsite the fact that photography is explicitly allowed in the area he was shooting. Read the post on his blog here.

Mr. Blint is a good example of "wrong guy for the job"...

Andrew Brandou

2008-07-19T10:01:00.000-07:00

I love this guy's work. If you enjoy animals in strange art, this should appeal to you too!

Click here to view his stuff.

A sample!

This is one picture of a series called "Everyone's Happier Now That You're Gone". Trippy stuff!

Etch-A-Sketch Coolness

2008-07-19T09:57:00.000-07:00

Found this online some time ago and wanted to share it. This artist has mad Etch-A-Sketch skillz!!!!

Click here to see the craziness...

Here's a sample:

I especially like the "O the humanity" bit!

Biking to Work

2008-07-18T18:56:00.001-07:00

Since the job change, this is how I get to work most days:

Pretty sweet, eh?

Slacking

2008-07-18T18:48:00.000-07:00

Yeah, that's what I've been doing! No posts for months!!! Well, some changes since the last report:

1. New job - I returned to my old Department, but a new job. So far, it's been pretty interesting, and the folks I work with are nice. It's also been great to be back downtown so I can cycle to work every day!

2. I got freakin' braces on my lower front teeth. I have been using the Invisalign plastic variety until now, so it's a weird transition, requiring strange appliances to enable me to floss!

Ummm, let's see, I can't think of anything else thrilling at the moment... Since changing jobs I have had a lot less rage!

Local Politicians are Frickin' Idiots

2008-05-14T16:42:00.000-07:00

Title is a no-brainer, but here goes anyway...

If you haven't heard, L.A. County supes have passed an ordinance making it illegal to park taco trucks (or roach coaches, whatever you want to call them) in any location for more than one hour. This was pushed very hard by brick and mortar restaurant owners and the supes caved. This takes away a tasty and reasonable alternative for working folks who maybe can't afford $10.00 for a sandwich in some crappy deli instead of a super-delicious $5.00 carne asada burrito that is so big it would choke a water buffalo. Sacramento is doing the same thing, and it is truly a shame. Don't these dildos have anything better to do? These ordinances disproportionately affect minority (hispanic) vendors. WTF is up with that?

Anyway, for the L.A. ordinance, there is a petition you can sign, plus they sell a super-cool t-shirt. Check it out!

Frickin' idiots.

TV Hatred and Miscellaneous Asshattery

2008-05-11T17:07:00.000-07:00

If you haven't had the pleasure of watching a commercial featuring loudmouthed giant jerkwad Billy Mays, who shills for a variety craptastic products, you should consider yourself fortunate. If you don't know who I'm talking about, here's his picture.

There is no one, and I mean no one, more annoying on TV. Not Dr. Phil, not Tyra, not Martha, Jay, Katie, Oprah, Montel, Jerry, or any other commercial spokescreature. His pitches are delivered with a full-throated YELL at all times. He is worse than oral surgery without anesthesia. I only wish he would die in a fire. Not even that "Hey Vern" guy (Jim Varney?) or Paul from the Diamond Center was as bad as this rat-bastard.

What ever happened to good "crappy" pitch-men like Cal Worthington (and his dog Spot!) or "Fred Rated" for Federated (Shadoe Stevens - click here to watch a video.). Those guys were funny - Billy is just a giant asshole and he makes me want to shoot my TV when he comes on. Billy - you suck, you noisy bastard!

Other asshattery in the news: Judge Roy "Pants" Pearson is BACK! He is now suing the District of Columbia for "unlawful demotion and subsequent termination." He wants $75,000 plus as yet undetermined punitive damages. He claims he cannot be fired because it would amount to retaliation for whistleblowing - he claims to have exposed corruption in the Office of Administrative Hearings. Well, he certainly exposed himself as a lunatic dipshit who also needs to die in a fire.

Wow, must have had my Haterade this morning!

Happy Cops!

2008-04-09T16:51:00.000-07:00

These cops in Pleasant View, Utah just found a huge stash of marijuana plants. I think they look like they did more than just find the plants, know what I'm sayin'?

Olympics, Shmolympics

2008-04-09T15:43:00.000-07:00

I have been watching the increasing hoo-hah surrounding the olympic torch relay on TV and I find that I no longer care about the olympic games - at all.

I have been steadily losing interest in the olympics as they continue their inexorable slide into irrelevance. The quaint notions of "amateur athletes" and the "olympic ideal" are a total farce, and the constant additions of flash/zing/wow/gee-whiz/boom/f'tang/zowie 'new extreme sports' bore me to tears. Beach volleyball? Snowboarding? BMX? What's next? Parcheesi? Checkers? Frisbee Golf? Fer crap's sake...

Add the fact that the 2008 games are taking place in Beijing simply reinforces the notion that the collection of douchebags known collectively as the IOC is available to the highest bidder, and that ethics and morals are totally unimportant. Screw 'em all, especially Jacques Rogge and Peter Ueberroth. The "Olympic Movement" has become another type of movement altogether - one that benefits from a healthy intake of laxatives.

I watched very little of the previous games, and I will not watch these at all.

Packaging vs. Reality

2008-03-25T20:39:00.000-07:00

I came across this German website that compares photos of processed foods with the pictures on the packaging it came in. It shows really clearly how stylists (like my sister, for instance!) can make the food look much nicer on the package than it looks in real life (mostly - some of the pics are actually fairly accurate)! Pretty funny stuf.

You may not be able to read the text, but the pictures speak for themselves!

Click here to check it out...

Four Thousand Americans Have Died Now in Iraq

2008-03-23T22:07:00.000-07:00

This is a grim day in the history of the United States.
The blood of these Americans is on your hands, George W. Bush, and history will judge you accordingly.

Political Wisdom from Mississippi

2008-03-21T16:29:00.000-07:00

A friend sent me this photo showing a sign in front of a muffler shop in Batesville, Mississippi. I thought it was kind of humorous!

Happy Easter!

Happy 5th Anniversary, Iraq War!

2008-03-18T19:32:00.000-07:00

Well, our glorious leader has marked the 5th anniversary of the invasion of Iraq by giving yet another speech stating what a fucking brilliant idea it was. Read all about it here. Yeah, right. Almost 4,000 Americans have lost their lives in this FUBAR operation. For what? Anyone who ever supported this idea needs to look long and hard at the results. To argue that we are "safer", or that we have "fought the turrists (sic) over there instead of over here" is to ignore the basic concept of cause and effect. There is no evidence that we are any safer, but plenty of indications that we fucked up - big time:

Removing Saddam has created a new haven for terrorists where previously there were none.
We have been trying to fight this war on the cheap. Notice how up until now, we haven't felt any significant economic effects? Get ready to feel them - we are in hock up to our friggin' eyeballs thanks to this bullshit.
Our military is stretched to the absolute limits of its capacity to defend this nation.
The dollar is in the toilet, and thanks to the political instability we have helped to foment in the Middle East, oil is over $100 a barrel. This is exacerbated by all the jackasses in this country who insist on treating gasoline as something to be spewed out of noisy dual exhaust systems on giant-ass fucking okie pickups as if it will never run out.
And most importantly - almost 4,000 dead American military men and women - for nothing at all.

Yeah - happy 5th Iraq War Anniversary George. I've mentioned it before but it bears repeating.

Worst. President.Ever.

More Music Fun!

2008-03-14T20:28:00.000-07:00

My oldest friend (not in terms of age, but length of association), Big Dave, who is well known as something of a music connoisseur, decided to send me this link. It's freakin' funny stuff, and has the advantage of being written in English, unlike the last post. Plus it uses the word "douchebag" a lot - which I like.

Enjoy the Hall of Douchebags!

Thanks D!

Very Groovy Swedish Bands

2008-03-07T16:34:00.000-08:00

My friend Michele up in the Great White North sent me this link to a website with album art from the grooviest Swedish bands you clapped eyes on. ABBA's got nothin' on these cool-ass mofos... Pay special attention to the detail photo of the band "Wallonerna" (whatever the hell that means)!

Click here and check it out!

On a More Sobering Note...

2008-02-28T12:08:00.001-08:00

As if we needed further evidence that justice in this country is overwhelmingly tilted to those with the means to pay for it, here is this depressing item from the Washington Post about the Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS - reminds me of SCROTUM appropriately enough) preparing to give Exxon a pass by reducing the punitive damages Exxon was ordered to pay after the Exxon Valdez spill. Exxon earned a PROFIT of almost $40 billion last year, and they have been fighting this $2.5 billion judgment ever since it happened. 3 weeks of profits for ruining the lives of 32,000 Alaskans - seems a small enough price, but Exxon doesn't think so and it looks like SCROTUM will agree...

Bottom line, Exxon can afford to buy the SCOTUS, and it appears they may have already done so.

Wieners

2008-02-26T21:46:00.000-08:00

Get your mind out of the gutter! I'm talkin' hot dogs. Obviously one of the worst things you can possibly eat, but oh so tasty - if you get the right ones, that is... Here is a short list of my faves. Try 'em!

Casper's - made in San Leandro, these dogs have the perfect balance of snap, flavor and texture.
Niman Ranch - all hippie natural organic - oh the irony - hot dogs
Nathan's - the Coney Island original!
Hebrew National - the chosen hot dog
Saag's - light 'n aryan (stole that from now-defunct Clown Alley in SF)!
Sinai 21 - The national hot dog of Costco

Casper's and Hebrew National taste best steamed, or alternately cooked on a stick over a wood fire. The others stand up well to grilling, especially Nathan's and Sinai 21 (extra fatty!). All are best served with yellow mustard - not any queer-ass dijon or even Gulden's. Just French's Yellow Mustard. Add ketchup if you're weird, or sriracha hot sauce if you're edgy.

Remember, you can never get enough snouts and lips, so eat more hot dogs!

Kings Trade Bibby!

2008-02-17T15:48:00.000-08:00

The last of the Kings old marquee players is leaving Sacramento. I think it's because of his stupid hair. The shaved head look was way better - now he looks like a he's got a small brown dog on his head.

Bye bye Bibby!

Whatever. I never follow the NBA really. Probably because for a million years people have been asking me "do you play basketball?" NO.

Funny Names in the News

2008-02-05T12:06:00.000-08:00

A story today in the Times (London) referred to the British Ministry of Defence's Chief of Staff in an article about wind farms interfering with defensive radar systems. This man's name?

Air Chief Marshal Sir Jock Stirrup...

Not as funny a name as Mitt Romney, but then Mitt's not a very funny guy - kind of a freakazoid, actually.

Sucks to be You, Boston!

2008-02-04T13:54:00.000-08:00

I won't go overboard like all the haters out there and say lots of nasty things about New England, Boston and Pats fans, but I will make a few comments! I did enjoy the shellshocked looks on the team's faces as the Super Bowl slipped away after being considered a lock for weeks.

The Patriots have been truly amazing this season, and it's frustrating for a lifelong 49ers fan like myself to see the Patriots create a new "dynasty" (an overused term, but what the heck) that rivals the 'Niners of the '80s. The 49ers under the wayward guidance of the York family and Mike Nolan suck big time these days, and I can hardly stand to watch them - plus we now have that moron from St. Louis - Mike Martz - to look forward to... That fool can't coach his way out of paper bag.

However, the biggest problem I and most other people see with the Pats is Bill Belichick, aka Mr. Personality - his unbridled arrogance and incredibly poor sportsmanship reflect badly on the team which tends to diminish their accomplishments. I know most people (if their team is not in the Super Bowl) tend to support the underdog, but in this case, I think roughly 98% of the folks I talked to were rooting for NY and watching Tom Brady get roughed-up was a hoot for most. I can't abide the Giants, myself, but I was rooting for them too, only because Bill Belichick annoys the crap out of me. Plus, he really needs to lose the cutoff hoodies - they make him look like a freakin' dumbass redneck or a panhandler (or a redneck panhandler).

His stupid interruption of the last couple of seconds of the Super Bowl and subsequent storm-off really sum up what a putz this guy is. A great coach, maybe, but a real putz.

Product Review - Kill Ugly Radio Double IPA

2008-01-14T16:02:00.000-08:00

Lagunitas Brewing Company, in a tribute to the late, great Frank Zappa, has brewed a double IPA (India Pale Ale) featuring inner sleeve artwork from Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention album "Absolutely Free". I bought this beer for two reasons: first, I am a huge FZ fan and second, Laugnitas IPA is one of my favorite domestic beers. This offering from the Petaluma, CA brewer is as most of their beers, outstanding. A nice and hoppy IPA without being overpowering. I enjoyed drinking it while listening to a sampling of Frank's work. It is a fitting tribute to an amazing artist and performer!

This was a limited release product, so it is probably no longer available, but the standard offerings from Lagunitas are of generally very high quality. My favorites (other than this one) are - in descending order:
- IPA
- Imperial Stout
- Czech-Style Pilsener (Pils)

Buy some today!

"Americans are really suspicious of anything cerebral, and Zappa didn't disguise his intelligence well enough. In addition to being a man of wide-ranging talent, one amazing thing that always struck me about Frank was his melodic dimension.....Frank Zappa was my Elvis."

- Matt Groening, creator of "The Simpsons"

Funny, but wear headphones!

2008-01-06T17:41:00.000-08:00

This guy cracks me up - one of my co-workers told me about Ronnie Johns, an Aussie comedian who does an impersonation of a convicted hitman in Australia (Aussies are proud of their convict roots, so it sort of makes sense that this is popular).

This video seemed appropriate after hearing some of the complaints about our power outages (yeah, 40 hours at my house!). Anyway, watch it and enjoy the F-bombs - there's plenty of them!!

Junior Asshat - Honorable Mention

2007-12-31T17:24:00.000-08:00

This one goes to Priscilla Ceballos, mother of 6-year-old Alexis Menjivar, for teaching her precious snowflake that the best way to win and succeed in this world is to lie your fool ass off and spit in the face of every veteran who ever served in the United States armed forces. Read all about how this family made up a story of a father dying in Iraq to win friggin' Hannah Montana tickets (who the fark is Hannah Montana and why should I give a crap?). Link to story here.

Nice going Priscilla - you are truly an Asshat, and your daughter will probably grow up to carry on the tradition. Fortunately, after actually winning the tickets with this fairy tale, cooler heads prevailed and the tickets were not awarded to these thieves.

FAIL.

Asshat of the Year!

2007-12-31T17:18:00.000-08:00

Those who may have occasionally read this blog probably know the answer to this, despite the extremely long list of possible candidates. These include (in no particular order)

- George W. Bush
- Dick Cheney
- Alberto Gonzales
- Nancy Pelosi
- Harry Reid
- Arnold Schwarzenegger
- Dianne Feinstein
- Larry Craig
- Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
- The "Don't Tase me Bro" Guy

In spite of the worthy competition, I still vote for JUDGE PANTS!! The now unemployed Judge Pants.

Congratulations Asshat!!

Product Review - Jim Beam Whiskey

2007-12-07T14:50:00.000-08:00

After a hard week of living off the largesse of the California Taxpayer, I like to get comfortable and unwind with a cocktail, a snack and some really good music (see photo).

My favorite tipple is Jim Beam Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey. I realize that many out there feel that Jack Daniel's is the superior product, but it tends to make me feel angry and out of sorts. Beam's version is mellower, and has the added benefit of costing less than JD as well! It tastes good straight or on the rocks, but it's best when consumed from a pint bottle in a brown paper bag, and it has unparallelled health benefits after eating a large meal, or while out in the woods, camping in a major downpour. Ice-cold Hamm's beer is possibly the best chaser.

Jim Beam - try some today!